April 19, 2015
Fairfax, VA. The NRA, a popular organization that fights tirelessly to support Americans’ right to buy arms, has received a report of 2014’s gun and ammunition sales with great enthusiasm. One NRA spokesperson credits the jump in sales with their gratuitous use of Obama’s image and the insinuation that the President is “coming to take everyone’s guns away”.
NRA Spokesperson, Wade Forrett, said; “We’re very excited for our sponsors and the profits they’ve seen from the boost in sales. We’re especially proud that we could play a part in making America a place with more guns than anywhere else in the history of the world. It’s a real privilege... and we have Obama to thank for it.” When asked why he believed that Obama was so instrumental in creating the record sales, he explained; “In the past, we’ve tried to boost sales to our regular members with the usual liberal boogeymen. President Clinton was a great marketing tool, and there were a few Senators, like Ted Kennedy and Barbara Boxer we could wave around and get an uptick in sales, but we’ve never had the sales boom... hehehe... that we’ve seen with Obama as the President.”, he further explained, “It’s not that Obama is actually doing as much as his liberal predecessors did to take people’s guns away, there’s just something about him that scares the bejeezus out of our regular members. Whatever is different about Obama from other Presidents that make gun-loving, God-fearing, white Americans so afraid, I just can’t put my finger on. But every time we put his picture up alongside one of our campaigns, regular Americans run right out and make gun and ammunition purchases. It’s been great.” A quick search of the internet reveals no exaggeration by Forrett. Indeed, the fearsome visage of Obama appears in countless internet memes and marketing ploys involving the dreaded specter of the Second Amendment being abolished; a move that, according to Forrett, would leave millions of law-abiding white people vulnerable to roving bands of Hip-Hop lovers. On the point of whether he believed it was ethical to use people’s fears to turn profits, Forrett had this to say; “Fear of certain types of people is an American value. Few things can get Americans to take action and spend money like fear does... and Americans have an impressive amount of fear. Why else would they buy so many guns?”. According to Forrett, the NRA plans to use the next 22 months as effectively as possible, with the ambitious plan of putting pictures of Obama up on their site, and in the windows of every gun retailer in the country, which, he emphatically insisted, was “Totally not racist.”.
